sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
