You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
