Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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