chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
