remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
