I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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