awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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