my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
