Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He better not be in your backpack
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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