8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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