I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
