if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
