miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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