your parents love me but you hate me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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