So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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