why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
