the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
