I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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