i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sobbing to NWA
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
