Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
