Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
