i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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