One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
