Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
