Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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