You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
