I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
