Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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