so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
