the day after is always just damage control
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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