the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
