These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
