Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
