I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
