your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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