So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
