I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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