fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize