Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There was a lot of him and a little penis
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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