Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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