the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
