i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
