i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
