Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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