thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
