her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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