I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize