Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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