Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize