i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize