I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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