When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
