he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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