Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
