dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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