That's intense
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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