she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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