i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
