Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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