you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize