We named our party play list daddy issues
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
