I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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