he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
