So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
