My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
