home. puking in laundry basket.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
