Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
