You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
