Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
