I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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