I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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