Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
