If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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