In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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