no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
