I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
