so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
