history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
