This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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