remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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