I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
