Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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