Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
operation have a gay friend backfired
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
