It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize