Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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