She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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