I feel great
I just peed on a car
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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