jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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