i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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