guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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