everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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