I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
