I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
