It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
