I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
