Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
