Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
