Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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