So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
