He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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