Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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