Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
